8 Simple Rules to Dating My Teenage Daughter
by DestinedToBelieve
Summary: Kairi-highschool's most popular girl- was adored by everybody, especially Sora. But when he meets her mother, he finds that there's eight rules to date her...rn(Rating may change, AU)
1. Rules are Rules

Kiki: Well howdy folks! - This is another 'Kiki' production, and Baggs might share this with me as well. I have to decide. Well, before I start this, I can't do this without giving utter credit to the person who thought of the 8 simple rules(Well, seven. I made it eight. Yay!)thing without it. That would be stealing, no? It's friendly-girl, but I tweaked the idea a lot and did different rules. And I made it into a KH fic, too. (The original was an FF9 one.) This is A/U.

Disclaimer: So I don't own the show 8SRFDMTD. And I don't own KH. I don't own Sora, or Riku, or Cloud... Gosh, stop putting me down! All I own is my room and this computer and the plot... -pout-  
8 Simple Rules for Dating my Teenage Daughter

Prologue-Rules are Rules...

Sora sighed as he walked along the musty hallways. High school. Why most teenagers now-a-days kill themselves, and why you ask? To stop the complete and utter torture, of course!

But you see; Sora had another problem, a much bigger one. No, my friends, it wasn't puberty. That would be just –wrong- to mention that subject in a fan-fiction, wouldn't it? Good. I'm glad you see my way.

But anyways, our little Sora had a problem of his own. It just so happens he was crushing badly on the most popular girl in the school, Kairi.

Though everyone had a vague, profound belief that Kairi Mayor was a stuck-up, rich, pretty snob, but did Sora listen? No. In fact, Sora never listens to anything. He lives in his own little world. But that's besides the subject. 

So, anyways, Sora had just gotten his little squishy butt turned down by Kairi. Again. Big surprise there, and he was getting frustrated. Very frustrated. He needed another plan. Why couldn't he get her? All this thinking was giving him a headache, for you see, our little Sora-bear wouldn't know blue from his right pinky toe if it came up, bit him in the arse, and did the can-can in front of him whilst singing Yankee-doodle.

But anyways, that wasn't the point. He walked out of the high school, his head hung low as he huffed out curse words under his breath. Hehehe. Sora has a potty mouth. But anyways, he trudged on, but finally looked up when he ran head-on into someone's limousine.

"Ow..." He mumbled. He squinted as someone helped him up. He hit the side of his head until his vision was cleared. I don't know if that really works in real life, so kids, just for the heck of it, do not attempt this at home. Attempt it at your grandmother's house and say you attempted this stunt at home.

"You ok, kid?" At first, since Sora's brain is about the size of an abnormally small peanut, he thought it was Kairi.  
  
"Kairi?" He asked, confused.

"Hmm? Oh, you mean my daughter." The figure spoke, eying him. As soon as his vision was cleared, he could see the woman. She looked like a pleasant person-long, brown hair and blue eyes full of life and a soft, gentle smile. "I'm Ms. Mayor."

Sora blushed at his confusion. "Uhm, Hello."  
  
She studied him. "Hey, aren't you that kid who stalks my daughter?"

Sora's face faltered. "I wouldn't say 'stalk...'" He blushed a bit, wiping his pants off in a scruff. "Er, my name is Sora." He held out his hand, blinking as she took it, and shook it.  
  
"Very nice to meet you... Sora."  
  
Sora grinned. "Thanks! So, er, I'll be going now..." He began to walk off, but the woman stopped him. 

"Sora, I've seen you chase after my daughter for quite some time now, and why is that?"  
  
The little spiky brown-haired boy skidded to a halt, and, fingering on of the errand strands of hair that had loosely fallen out of place and was hanging loosely over his eyes, making our little Sora-Bear seem very cute, and turned around. "Well... I don't know. She's just so nice to everyone and so pretty, and everyone likes her, especially me." He finished this with a blush, and traced the strand of hair once more.

Ms. Mayor smiled. "Well, I can tell you this. Kairi has told me there are eight rules to getting her to like a guy. If you can fulfill these rules, then her heart is yours."  
  
Sora furrowed one of his brows. "Eight rules..." Smirking, he shook her hand once more. "All right, I'll do it!" He grinned.

Ms. Mayor had a pleasant smile upon her face. "Great! The first rule is..."  
  
Sora bit his lip. "What?" He squeaked, being nervous.

"Be a gentleman." And that did it. Sora's eyes grew wide in complete and utter horror, his smile faded, and he was blinking very rapidly.

"Excuse me, I didn't hear you. What did you say?"  
  
"Be a gentleman. That's the first rule."  
  
"WHAT?!"

--

Kiki: Ok, I had to stop here. I was getting a little anxious and I couldn't fit all of the rule-taking to do this. I need your help- should Baggs and me write it or just me? And, if I do write it by myself, does anyone have any ideas for the next chapter? Thanks if you do!

-.::Kiki::.-


	2. An old man and a bib

**A/N**: CLEAR!

BZZT

CLEAR!

BZZT

Fanfic: ::is alive again::

OMFG!

xD Anyway, snaps to the almighty Kiki for the laugh-worthy quotes. Sora-bear. X3

We love our commenters! :DDD

Emerald31

Divine Rose Keeper

Lvkishugs

Chamelia Tanochi

ANNNNND SO FORTH WE GO!

**8 Simple Rules to Dating my Teenage Daughter**

Chapter Two: An old man and a bib

Sora blinked a couple times in disbelief. Kairi's mother blinked in turn, causing Sora to blink, Kairi's mother to yawn, Sora to yawn, Kairi's mother scratch her chin, and Sora to fart. It was then that Kairi's mother finally broke the awkward (literally, awkward) silence.

"Yes. Be. A. Gentleman. Must I spell it out for you?" She asked rather irritatedly.

Sora blinked. Again. "Naw, that's okay, I can! B-e-A-G…u…n-t…l…l…man!" He smiled so widely and so cutely (I don't care if it's not a word, foo!) it almost made you forget he was utterly braindead.

Kairi's mother ignored him. "So, can you do that?"

"Do what?" Sora tilted his head to the side. Aww, cute.

Ms. Mayor sighed heavily. "Be a gentleman!"

Sora's smile faded. "I HAVE TO DO WHAT?! SINCE WHEN?!"

Ms. Mayor rolled her eyes, frustrated. "You have to be a gentleman in order to date my daughter. She has 8 rules, and if you can perfect each of those 8 rules, you'll win her heart. To be a gentleman is the first rule. Can you—"

She never finished her sentence, because Sora had fainted.

All of a sudden, Josh Hartnet appeared out of nowhere. Like, literally, appeared. He gasped all girly-like and squealed. "OMFG! SORA-BEAR! NOOOOO!"

Sora awakened again. He screamed. With delight. "OMFG! IT'S YOU! YOU DO EXIST!"

Josh squealed again. "I KNOW, I DIDN'T KNOW I EXSISTED EITHER! GUESS WHAT!!!!"

"WHAT?!"

"I'M YOUR FAIRY GODMOTHER!"

"OMFG, LIKE, YAY!!!"

"BUT I'M NOT GRANTING YOU WISHES."

"…CRUD."

"But I am HERE FOR ADVICE! First part of obvious chapter plot point adive: Go see an old guy and he'll teach you how to be a gentleman. BYE, SUGERCAKES!" And he poofed out.

Suddenly surrounded by old men everywhere, Sora panicked. "WHICH ONE?"

(Kiki, you rock. Sorry Josh fans. XDDD)

* * *

After an extremely strange and random phenomena, Sora decided it'd be best to look for a gentleman-characteristic-teaching old man. So, he began to walk around the school ground, asking each old man if they were smart and could teach him how to be a gentleman for free, completely unaware that Ms. Mayor was still there, watching him, scared. For her daughter. But mostly for herself.

Finally, Sora came to someone he thought could help.

"Excuse me, gramps? Uh, could you help me? I need to learn how to be a gentleman. Soon. So… er, could you teach me? I lack a brain."

The old man turned around, glaring daggers at Sora. "GRAMPS?! Kid, I ain't old!" He had blonde hair that was just barely greying at the roots, and was chewing a piece of wheet. Mm-hm.

"Uh-huh!"

"Nuh-uh!"

And the bickering went on for an hour. As well as in depth plot telling.

"Anyway, kid, I'll help you out, just because I feel sorry for you and your empty head. But on one condition. CALL ME CID!"

"Well, I will, on ONE condition. LET'S TANGO." Sora smiled and jumped into the air animatedly, throwing his arms in the air as well and shaking his butt.

The world faded to black.

"What's going on?"

"Scene transition."

"Oh."

* * *

So, despite John Hartnett turning out to be Sora's Fairy Godmother and Cid becoming the old man who'd teach Sora how to be a gentleman, the day seemed pretty crazy much like every other day of Sora's scary life.

Sora was trudging home, hands in pockets, humming lazily to himself as he kicked a few rocks. Ahead of him, someone shouted "Ow!"

He looked up. It was Kairi, clutching her shin. Smooooth, Sora-bear.

"Ohmigawsh, I'm soooo sorry!" He squealed. Then he realized he was not talking to Josh Hartnett. Damn.

Kairi pulled in a deep breath from her teeth, causing a hissing sort of noise. "Don't just stand there, you imbecile, DO SOMETHING!"

"Right!" Sora saluted and… well… I'm not sure what he did, but suddenly Josh Hartnett appeared in a shower. Kairi stopped crying.

Then Brad Pitt ran in.

"JOSH DEAR. I NEED MY KNICKERS BACK." Wailed the blonde. Then they disappeared.

Kairi blinked. Then she smiled. "Wow, thanks, however you did that… er… what's your name?"

Sora had one eyebrow raised, mouth open in disgust. "WTF?!" He shouted stupidly. "Oh, I mean, Sora." He laughed nervously and ran off, tripping over nothing.

* * *

Geez, have you realized this chapter is completely and stupidly random and has a lot of jump scenes? XD

* * *

Finally Sora was at the place he was supposed to be. The park. Of all places. Yeah, the park. I didn't even know he was going to BE at the park until just now. ANYWAY…

He stared blankly at the burning black-top, crumbled pieces of tar spilling out of cracks everywhere. He walked over to a basketball net, tried his luck at jumping up and grabbing onto the rim of the net, yet missed pathetically and fell onto his bum.

Someone laughed. "Smooth, Sora-bear."

Sora rubbed his butt. "Why does everybody call me that?"

Cid shrugged, who was the 'someone', by the way. "I don't know. But you might want to stop rubbing your ass or a bunch of fan-girls are going to get turned on."

Sora stopped, eyes going wide. "I HAVE FANGIRLS?!"

Suddenly, Fairy Joshmother appeared. Still naked. Sora cringed, but Josh seemed to like the breeze 'round his privated.

"YOO HOO! Just here to let you know that on Monday, a cow will moo." He disappeared with a squish.

Sora blinked. "Wtf?" He asked again.

Cid blinked, too. "WHY do you keep saying w-t-f? You should stop, it's not very gentleman-ish. Of you." He cleared his throat. "The proper way to say it is "What the elf?" In a British accent."

Sora tried it. "What the elf?" He said, in a voice that sounded so deliousiously like Daniel Radcliffe's. Anyway…

A stampede of fangirls appeared and swooned. One shouted "IT REMINDS ME OF THE HUNT!" And then, they disappeared again.

Cid raised an eyebrow. "O…kay. Now, for you lessons."

And Cid went on, the whole time teaching Sora about every manly-man sort of… man thing you could manly think of! I'm way too lazy to type all that out, this chapter being almost 5 pages in Word in all. Anyway.

Sora froze. "Excellent!" Cid said happily. "Now, sip with tea from your pinky toe while humming 'Josh is too sexy for his shirt' and you'll be finished!"

Sora, amazingly, completed this humanly impossible feat, and was suddenly a gentleman. Like, he didn't have a mustache anymore.

Oh wait. Sora never had a mustache. Damn.

So, Sora decided to go surprise Ms. Mayor with the completion of the first of 8 rules. Only 7 more to go!

Sora tried to think optimistically.

He groaned and shrugged his shoulders.

Then fainted.

Fairy Joshmother appeared YET AGAIN. "Oh golly, the Prozac is wearing off."

* * *

**A/N**: I sneaked onto the compy at night to finish this for y'all, so YOU BETTER LIKE IT. D

And I got caught. XD

What I do… for… REVIEWS… REEEVIEEWWWSSS. ::melts::


	3. Chappy 3Of Jews and Forks

**A/N: Well, howdy. I guess this is a new chapter! xD! I provided a lot of the quotes in the other chapter but no one cares… Anyways. Whoa, we haven't updated in forever! I hope my 'fans' aren't mad.  
Fans: Of course we are. **

**Anyways.  
Enjoy.**

**Bish. **

Rule 2-No Flirting with Other Girls

Sora walked along, glad he had completed his first task. He saw Ms. Mayor and ran up. "Hey! I finished it!" He grinned.

"Awesome, Sora!" She laughed. "Now all you have to do is keep being a gentleman-"

"NOOOOO!" Sora wailed. Ms. Mayor frowned.

"And do the second rule. Don't flirt with other girls."

Sora blinked. "Not even with telephone poles?"

Ms. Mayor looked weirded out. "Not even telephone… poles…"

Sora sniffed and turned around to a telephone pole, patting it. "Sorry Judy."

Ms. Mayor looked even more weirded out when Sora started to cry.

"Can-Can I have a moment alone?" He asked through sobbing.

"Sure?" She turned and walked away, looking even more weirded out when he hugged 'Judy.'

Suddenly, she didn't want this boy coming near her daughter. She sighed. She couldn't do anything about it now. What would the wedding be like? Would his family be telephone poles?

Suddenly, she wished she hadn't thought that. It would probably give her nightmares.

-

Fairy Josh-Mother blinked. "So you can't flirt?"

"Exactly." Sora sighed.

"Not even with telephone poles!"

"Nope…" Sora sighed again.

"The woman's MAD!" Josh sighed.

Sora nodded in agreement.

"Well, the only way to avoid girls is thinking about giving your grandmother a sponge bath. That way, all sexual thoughts are gone!"

Sora blinked. "Ewww."

"Exactly!"

Josh grinned. "Now go get her, tiger!"

Sora thought that sounded really wrong.

-

All throughout the day, Sora didn't flirt with one girl. The teacher's hid under their desks while the class went wild because it was a 'sure sign of the apocalypse,' as Sora was being good in class and not flirting with telephone poles or pigeons!

Or girls.

Riku blinked at Sora. "You ok, man?"

"What the elf?" He said in his best British accent. "I'm fine!"

Riku blinked. "Whatever…" He looked around the room, which was bustling with trouble makers such as himself.

The bell finally rang and the classmates bustled out the classroom to lunch, where Sora held the door open for Kairi, who gaped in astonishment.

"Thanks, Sora…" She blushed madly and walked along. Sora sighed dreamily and slammed the door in the face of Riku.

"CRAP IT." Riku cried. "My nose." (**A/N: Awww, doesn't that just make you wanta hug him? … Maybe not.)**

Sora, completely oblivious to the fact that he just slammed the door in his best friend's face, walked on to lunch, trying his best not to flirt with any girls.

This was going to be a long day.

-

After the day was over, finally, Sora trudged home late because he forgot where his house is. Oh, don't worry. It always happens to him…Really! Anyways, it was dark out, and the streetlights were flickering on each time he passed by.

Suddenly, he turned to a telephone pole. He couldn't help it. He gulped and blurted out, "How YOU doin'?" to it, and then blinked. Crap. He looked left, then right, and made sure no one had saw.

"Phew. Safe." He sighed.

Just then, ten thousand unidentified people of the Jewish belief began to charge at him with forks. Sora's eyes grew wide. Crap. Everyone knew Sora's worst fear was overly violent unidentified Jews with sharp pointy objects (Also known here as 'forks')! Sora started running, REALLY fast, down the street.

"CURSED TELEPHONE POLES!"

-

"Don't you think that was a bit harsh, Josh?" Brad Pitt said, hovering around Josh. By the way, he's a sprite. Like, a little fairy. Don't. Ask.

"Well, he deserved it! He knows not to flirt." Josh said, watching Sora run frantically from the Hebrew blabbing rabbis and many followers in weird robe…things. (**A/N: No offense to Jewish people, seriously.)**

-

After running home, he locked the door, screaming, "MOMMY, THE JEWS ARE HERE, THEY THREATENED ME WITH THESE THINGS AND STUFF AND ALMOST ATTACKED ME!"

Sora's mom gaped. "He actually used proper grammar..."

Sora grinned.

"Good job, son!" His father smiled. His mother was a genius and his father had an exceeding I.Q. Frequently teachers had been wondering how the crap Sora's genes got screwed. They were answered by a long lecture. Therefore, no one talks to Sora's parents. Ever. Again.

"Mommy!" Sora wailed, clinging to his mom. "Daddy's using big words again…"

His mom sighed. "Sora, go to your room and then you can have dinner."

Sora's eyes went wide again. "YOU TOO!"

His mom sighed. "Go!"

He trudged up the stairs, or, rather, skipped up the stairs and tripped various times.

-

The next day, Sora walked to school, constantly on the alert for Jews. He snarled at a few kids and sniffed others, to make sure no one had 'the essence'. This was, surprisingly, normal behavior for him. Again, don't ask.

After class, Ms. Mayor met him. "Good job, Sora! I think you've been good enough!" Sora grinned toothily.

"Thanks, Ms. May…May…" He paused. "…Ms.!"

A Rabbi, followed by a horde of angry Jews with forks, yelled something in Hebrew, and they started charging.

"HOLY CRAP! WHAT DID I DO!" And he began running. Very. Fast.

-

"Don't you think that was a bit harsh?" Brad repeated. "All he said was thanks."

"I know. But he need's exercise."

And they ended our chapter with a verse of 'I Feel Pretty'.

Riiight.

-

**A/U: AGAIN, NO OFFENSE TO JEWS.**

**Review and you're soul will feel better.**

**Review and we'll love you.**

**Review and you won't get attacked by the Jews.**

**:D**


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